I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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