My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
