Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
