if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
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Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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