Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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