She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
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Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
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Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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