I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
