I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
