I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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