Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
