I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
