Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
