I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
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