can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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