Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
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This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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