fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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