where am i from again
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
