you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
