She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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