I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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