i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
