Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
