we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
