saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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