Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
