I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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