I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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