I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
