im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
