I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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