Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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