So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
