I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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