so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
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I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
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She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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