I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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