pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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