I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
