The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Everyone says I win the strip club
Randomize
