you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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