THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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