I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
