Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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