I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
