thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
