i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
