I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
