Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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