i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
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I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
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Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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