Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
