btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just had sex bonerless
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
