I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
