She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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