I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
