I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
