That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
