Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
