Cold hands, warm shart.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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