This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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