if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
