fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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