just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
