And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Life is so much better after having sex.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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