That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
