Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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