why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize