Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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