thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
