Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dear god my vagina.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
