last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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