a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
COCAINE IS GR8
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
