i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im holly from the hills drunk
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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