you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
