and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
