All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
