9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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