census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
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Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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