you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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