I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Actions speak louder than pants.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
