I accidentally had phone sex last night
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
