i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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