his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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